cougars
What is a Cougar?
Cougar – An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity, particularly the true hotties; as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.From Urbandictionary.com
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Go to any club or bar and you’ll be sure to spot out an abundance of cougar. No one is quite sure why this is, and most of the time these women are either married or divorced. They’re all looking for the same thing no matter what their marital status is. That one thing is a goodtime. Why exactly are there so many? Who cares, step in the game, rookie. No one ever won anything sitting on the sidelines.
They don’t deal with the bullshit; they cut right to the chase and are experienced. These women are independent and have their own cash flow. Walk up to any one you spot and strike up a conversation. If she’s feeling you, you’ll be taking a shot faster then you can ask her name.
Cougars will pretty much let you do whatever you want to them. These women take you home, you don’t take them. To put it in a word I could say it’s a combination of sex and excellent; Sexcellent. No bullshit story needed the next morning, hell you don’t even need to wait until the morning. Odds are that she’ll be gone before you get out of the bathroom for the post fun clean up
Don’t get it confused. These women will swallow you up and spit you out. Prepared to get your faced ripped off. She’s going to take you for a ride in the cougar den that you’re never going to forget. You’re going to see things you thought were impossible. She will haunt your dreams. After that, you’re addicted and there’s no turning back.
Soon enough this is going to turn into a game within your circle of buddies. My squad went through a phase of who could bag the oldest. This is a vicious and depressing road of suck, turn back. The last thing you need is people telling stories about how you slammed some chick named turkey neck.
turkey neck
Also know your circle of friends. Just because some cougar took you home and let you play in the mud, doesn’t mean that you should always tell them. It’s not very fun when you’re out in public and people start chanting poop dick at you.
Tread these waters carefully my friends. I would say there are 5 distinct types of cougars. Don’t make the fatal mistake of choosing unwisely. I’m pretty sure if you do, you will end up like the guy at the end of that Indiana Jones movie who had his fucking faced melted off.
Cougar Types
1. The married milf cougar who wants to have a good time.
2. The Divorced milf cougar who wants to have a good time
3. The unattractive cougar who feeds alcohol to innocent men and attacks
4. The really old cougar( 55+)
5. The biker cougar
For your own safety, I would recommend that you strictly stick with options one and two. Anything else is walking a tight rope of self humiliation. There is no such thing as a cougar that doesn’t have kids or hasn’t been married. If you think other wise then you’re drowning in a pool of lies. Those types of women are myth.
Conclusion:
I don’t even mess around anymore. I get to the bar housed out of my mind and go straight for the cougars. I’ve had times where I’ve left with one and been back at the bar in time for midnight shots. Isn’t this why we all go out anyways? If you want to find a GF or Wife then go to the library or some meet and greet. Until then business is cougars, and business is good.
We have found the cougar den, and are never coming back.
<3 the Internet. Who needs a bar?
http://www.dateacougar.com
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